On Community & Grieving

This community is amazing. In times of hardship it pulls together and transforms into a neighborhood. A neighborhood of supportive friends who offer compassion, prayers, help and random acts of kindness at the drop of a hat, without blinking an eye and in the midst of their own struggles and commitments. I have witnessed it on numerous occasions and recently experienced it firsthand. My family has been the recipient of this support network the past couple of months and for that we would like to express our sincere thanks and appreciation. The cards and messages of sympathy, flowers/plants, prayers and acts of kindness continue to be a great comfort to us. We are truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends and to live in such an amazing community.

For reasons unknown to us, our small community is taking a hard hit lately. There has been too much loss, far too soon; far too many new members of these "clubs" nobody asks to join. An article was recently shared with me that spoke about how to support grieving parents. I, unfortunately, am also a member of that club. The article hit the nail on the head, but I've also decided that it equally applies to grieving spouses, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles...grieving FAMILY & FRIENDS. So I wanted to share some highlights with our neighborhood. My hope is that this offers a bit of insight and  reassurance that we are not walking this path alone.

*Remember Them - We want the world to remember our loved one, young or old. Share memories with us and help us relive them. We are always seeking the balance between holding onto our grief and a happy life after our loss. Milestone celebrations (birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc) hit us hard. Please don't walk away.

* We Can't be "Fixed" - There is no roadmap to grief. Each of us has to find a way to live with loss and it is an individual process. We welcome your love and support but please don't tell us that "time heals all wounds." We feel broken and that doesn't just go away. Please be patient with us as we find our new way and please know that when we know what we need, or what you can do for us, we will surely let you know.

* We Need Time Outs - Our family's milestone celebrations are especially hard. No matter how many years go by, the longing for a complete family unit intensifies in the days leading up to these events and explodes on the day of the event. Please give us time to process another year marked by their absence. And then help us remember them.

* Happiness is an Everyday Struggle - We fight to find the balance of missing and grieving for our loved ones and living life in a way that honors them. We want to be happy, but our loss is constantly hovering at the surface of other emotions.

* It's Uncomfortable - Our loss will make you uncomfortable. You will be afraid that you'll make us lose it by remembering that our loved one is gone. Trust me...we know and haven't forgotten. So please speak their name, tell us you're thinking about them, share a story. Tears of remembrance and loving support are far better than tears from unspoken words. And if you can't say anything, then just be there so we know we are supported and cared about.

We grieve because we loved. We are lucky to have had something that makes saying goodbye so incredibly hard. "Grief changes us. The pain sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately and loves more openly" (unknown).

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17928/what-i-wish-more-people-understood-about-losing-a-child.html